Surprise, Surprise
by somehowunbroken
Summary: Rodney is pretty sure nothing John can do will surprise him. He is wrong.


My first entry for kissbingo on LJ: "to shut them up."

* * *

"You'd be surprised," John said, idly playing with one of the tools Rodney wasn't using.

"By you?" Rodney snorted. "Unlikely. I think I'm pretty unflappable," he said, picking up a tool John couldn't identify and using to poke the device he also couldn't identify. "I mean, we've seen a lot of crazy stuff out here, right? I was a part of the SGC on Earth, sure, but we didn't see much crazy stuff there. I was just a consultant there, anyway, not really there all that often, and then I got sent to Russia and nothing crazy happens in Russia." He paused to take a breath.

John just rolled his eyes. Rodney was in one of _those_ moods.

"Well, I mean, I guess crazy stuff happens in Russia all the time," Rodney continued, oblivious to John's reaction. "But not in Siberia. Well, probably in Siberia, too, just not where I was in Siberia. Or when. I don't know. But nothing crazy happened while I was in Siberia." He gave the tool a vicious twist, and something popped inside the device. A triumphant look crossed his face as he pulled the tool out.

"Anyway, nothing ever really happened at the SGC that I'd consider crazy." He picked up the device, turned it around, and frowned down at it. "Well, there was that one time I saw Teal'c in a Speedo, but I think I'm more likely to file that one under emotionally distressing than crazy."

John agreed. Mentally, of course; he knew better than to interrupt Rodney during a rant like this.

"But then, then, I get this invitation one day. Sam Carter shows up in Russia – okay, maybe that's a crazy thing happening, her coming looking for me – and she's talking about wormhole physics and I'm correcting her, but then she tells me about Jackson's theory about Atlantis, about the eighth symbol, and would I like to go if they can get the wormhole open, and I'm no idiot, so of course I said yes."

John wasn't about to point out that Rodney might be a genius with more PhDs than any one person had the right to have, but he clearly had an issue with run-on sentences.

"So then I'm here, and okay, that was pretty crazy, just coming here. And then the city was underwater – crazy." Rodney turns the device over again, picking up another tool and waving it over the device. "And then we meet life sucking space vampires – crazy." The device lit up briefly, then flared out. "Actually, the Wraith might count as two crazies, because let's face it, they're insane."

Apparently crazy had some sort of definable quantity in Rodney's book, John surmised. Although if it did, the Wraith probably were good for at least two.

"And then, in the first few months of being here, we find out that the gene therapy works, we get caught halfway through a wormhole while you," he said, gesturing towards John, "are being eaten by a space bug, we find a planet full of children intent on killing themselves, meet the Nazi Space Amish people, and manage to somehow weather a storm the likes of which should have _killed us all._"

John jumped when Evan spoke into his ear. He hadn't heard the other man come in. "How long's he been going on like this?"

"A while," John replied. "He's trying to convince me that nothing can surprise him any more because of all the crazy shit he's seen since getting here."

"I happen to believe it," Rodney sniffed. "Especially with you. You're so predictable, you know, all 'I'm the hero' and 'save the world' and 'I don't need help with this.' Well, you are perhaps the least likely to surprise me out of everyone here!" Rodney emphasized his exclamation with a poke of the tool he was holding towards John.

John raised his eyebrow. "That a fact?"

Rodney nodded. "It is, indeed, a fact. I doubt there's anything you could do that would shock me any more."

John turned around, grabbed Evan by the front of his vest, and kissed him long and hard. When he pulled back, Evan was grinning, and John leaned in for another quick kiss before turning to Rodney, who was staring, mouth wide open, at the pair. John settled his arm casually around Evan's waist.

Rodney made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

"It would appear that I was mistaken."


End file.
